Practical Help for 12-30 year-olds Navigating Parental Separation
Separation and divorce is one of life’s most stressful experiences for parents and can be the same for children.
In recent years, research has identified the harm that can be caused to children from being exposed to long term, entrenched parental conflict. As a result, separating parents are much more aware of steps they can take to help manage the impact of family separation and to help support their children through divorce.
However, even when a divorce is co-operative and calm, or when a child is living away from home, parental separation remains stressful for them. At its heart, family separation is a fundamental change imposed on a child that affects them in different ways; changing their sense of identity and impacting practical aspects of their lives – all at an age when any change can be particularly challenging.
Changes for Children
Here are some examples of what might be changing for a child of divorcing parents:
- The actual time a child spends with each parent
- The type of time the child spends with their parents – children, especially teenagers report missing the downtime that happens spontaneously when everyone’s hanging out in the house. They report struggling with the planned activities that feature as part of the transition to a new household
- Limits on time with friends – adding another set of expectations to spend time with parents separately can be hard on kids who are naturally drawn to their peers during the teenage years
- The amount of planning required of a child split between two households – the teenage brain can find planning and organisational tasks challenging and living across two households can add to the difficulty in these years
- Where the child will live – worrying about whether they will move as well as actually moving are both stressful
- Which school they will go to
- What clubs and activities they can do
- Where they will spend special days, such as birthdays, Christmas or other religious holidays
- Worrying about their parents
- Their financial support – is university affordable?
Free Support from Your Direction
The charity, Restored Lives, has helped adults to recover from the impact of divorce and separation for over 20 years and identified the need for resources designed specifically to help children and young people.
Developed with children’s charity, Spurgeons, Your Direction is a workshop resource aimed at providing a forum of support for young people navigating parental separation. The workshops are free and delivered across five sessions via video and small group work facilitated by trained family separation professionals (with relevant DBS checks) and offering peer group support.
What to Expect from the Workshops
The content of the sessions, which are 60 mins for the younger group (age 12-17) and 90 mins for the older group (age 18-30), is as follows:
1. Having Your Say –focusing on communication and how it can help to say how you are feeling
2. How to Feel Better – looking at emotions and understanding how you feel and hot to process difficult emotions
3. Dealing with Change – considering change and conflict that is common when parents separate
4. Letting Go – looking at the choices to accept and forgive and recognizing different perspectives in a story
5. Your Bright Future – reflecting on the skills learnt during the course and thinking about the next steps
Good News for Parents
Parents going through separation are increasingly better equipped to help their children and it is good news that other resources are being created to add to that support.
Parents will always be the bedrock of a child’s stability and support, but if children can also access help from other avenues – including from those who have professional expertise in family separation, those who have been through separation and peers who are experiencing it at a similar time – it must be worth exploring.
Learn More About Your Direction
You can find more details and sign up @ www.yourdirection.info
The next course starts on 6th November 2024.
Victoria Nottage leads Knowledge and Innovation at Family Law in Partnership. She is a solicitor, family mediator, collaboratively trained practitioner and a coach. Victoria is committed to helping clients resolve their disputes in a way that acknowledges and seeks to manage the greater impact of family separation, not only in terms of the emotional and mental health of the parties, but also how it affects wider members of the family and especially children.
For further information and separation advice, please contact a member of our family team on hello@flip.co.uk or T: 020 7420 5000.