05th Jan 2015

The reality behind the Divorce and D-Day myths

The media pre-occupation with divorce at this time of year can create an unrealistic expectation of what is involved.  Family Law in Partnership, divorce lawyers in London, can help you to cut through the divorce “D–day” hype, make more reasoned decisions and see them through safely.

This will have been a difficult time of year for many couples.  The unrealistic expectations followed by the crushing realisations of the Christmas celebrations take their toll.  Things are said that cannot be unheard and certain beliefs start to drift in, quietly at first but with increasing volume.

The forced end of year retrospection and compulsion to come up with New Year resolutions also stirs up a sense of retrospective remorse coupled with the alluring promise of different futures.

The divorce fantasy takes a foothold, startling you with new possibilities.

It is that moment where you first think to yourself; “I’d be better off without them.”

Maybe you were out in the back garden escaping the frustration of another row.  You might have been surfing the internet late at night in your study or lounge as you wrestled with disappointment at your partner, what your life has become and what you feel it has in store.

Maybe it revealed itself to you in a moment of clarity as you realised that your feelings for another person were far greater than those you have for your current partner.

The divorce fantasy, when it works at its most seductive, convinces us that everything that is disappointing and wrong in our lives is because of our current partner.  It goes on to suggest that if we only got rid of them, therefore, that things would only get better.

The myth is perpetuated by the media’s seasonal pre-occupation with D-Day, or divorce day.  You will have seen the stories that newspaper editors fill their papers and weekend supplements with in the quiet news lull between Christmas and the New Year.

These stories invariably talk of lawyers “Bracing themselves” for a flood of new enquiries and couples wanting divorce, just as soon as they open their offices following the Christmas and New Year break. Often they will be accompanied by sanitised lifestyle stories of individuals who went down the divorce line and strangely, always, at this time of year, loudly proclaiming how the divorce was the best thing they ever did.

All of this; the divorce fantasy, the d-day reports and the `Best decision of my life’ narratives hide an uncomfortable narrative that is much less attractive but still needs to be told.  And it is this;

Unfortunately, divorce is really hard.  It is a major transition and far more complex than is often reported.

Deciding to divorce presents a whole new raft of challenges that require professional help and attention to ensure that you are supported throughout with information, expertise and other resources.  Don’t go it alone.

This flies in the face of the trend for suggesting that divorce is easy, straightforward and accessible.

On a process level divorce might be reasonably straightforward to put into effect.

There are, after all, only so many steps that need to be taken and only so many court forms that need to completed and filed in accordance with only so many deadlines.  The real challenge lies in managing the impact and the repercussions of a decision to separate.

This oversimplification is a dangerous platform on which to be making life-changing decisions.  Or New Year resolutions for that matter.

The reality is often much more complicated.

The reasons for the end of the marriage will usually be more circumstantial rather than being attributable solely to the characteristics of your partner. Many of those circumstances – financial in particular – persist even beyond the divorce.

Also the reality of the decision to separate is followed by a period of very difficult readjustment for the whole family and also your shared friends and contacts.

It is precisely for these reasons that we here at Family Law in Partnership work in the way that we do; in partnership

We are unique in having family consultants form an integral part of who we are and what we do.

This work ensures that we are able to work with you in fully informed ways, supporting you with a full array of services to you to help you in your decision making and subsequent implementation and transition.

We will help you move forward with a full appreciation of all the challenges and the possible pitfalls, helping you to steer around them whenever possible and providing you with the resources you need to overcome them when they cannot be avoided.

We are committed to ensuring that you receive the very best service regardless of which process you choose to resolve your marriage and divorce, whether using mediation, collaborative law, arbitration or court based processes.

And, of course, we will always look out for you very best interests so that you can move forward into your future in as secure a way as possible.

Let us help you.

If you are thinking about divorce or separation, or know somebody who is, you can find us, Family Law in Partnership, in Covent Garden, London.  We are recognised as leaders in our field, pioneering approaches for highly effective divorce work whether in court or out of court.

You can call us and speak to one of our award winning  London divorce solicitors right now on 020 7420 5000 or email any questions you have to hello@flip.co.uk