Telling Children About Family Court Proceedings

Talking to your child about the outcome of court proceedings

The latest court statistics tell us that the average time for cases about children to make it through the court system is 44 weeks (meaning many are taking considerably longer) and there are 25,654 children currently involved in private law cases.

Each of these children will have their own unique understanding of any dispute.  They may have been contacted by court social workers, met with the Judge or had contact with other professionals and will have an idea about the questions the Family Court has been considering. It is also worth remembering that children are usually more aware of what is happening than adults think they are.

This means that communicating with children about the progress of the case and the outcome is a vital part of helping them to process and come to terms with what is decided.

In fact, when it comes to the final decision, research is clear that it is really important that children understand what has been decided in the Family Court. If they are not told what has been decided and why, children may be worried, or confused.  They will not know whether their views have been taken into account and they can come up with their own explanations for why things have turned out the way they have.

Recent Guidance

In March this year Cafcass Cymru together with children and young people, parents and carers, and professionals who work with children, put together an excellent short guide to help parents and carers to explain the decisions of the family court to children.

There are six key points which are summarised below, or you can download the guide here and read it for yourself.

Key Points to Communicating with Children

1. Think About Where and When you will Talk to Your Child

Aim to have a conversation with the child as soon as possible after getting the decision as delay may cause them to worry more. If the decision is not quite what you wanted, then think about how you will communicate the outcome in a neutral way that will encourage your child to be able to adapt to the arrangements that the court thinks are best for them.

2. Make it Practical

Documents produced by the Court probably contain lots of legal jargon, so communicating what the decision will mean practically for your child will be important. A really good tip is to get a new calendar and colour code it with your child so that they have a visual image of how their weeks will work going forwards.

3. Focus on Agreement

Children can find language that focuses on agreement reassuring. Here’s an example:

“Mum/Dad and I agree that it’s really important we are both able to spend lots of time with you, so we’ve come up with a plan to make that work.”

4. Think About Details that Will Matter to Your Child

Here’s a list of things that they might be thinking about:

• Where will I be sleeping?
• Can I still go to the same school?
• How will I get to school?
• Can I still go to my after-school activities?
• Can I take a special toy?
• What will happen to my pets?
• Will I still be able to see my friends and other family members?
• What happens at Christmas or on my birthday or special occasions?

5. Offer a Chance to Ask Questions

For most of us it is hard to think of everything we want to ask on the spot. Tell your child they can ask you more questions at any time because they might not want to ask them all straightaway.

6. Keep Your Child’s Key Adults Informed

Make sure the important adults in your child’s life know what the new arrangements will be. This can include family, close friends and school. You could even prepare a bullet point summary for them and to help your child talk about the new pattern.

Guiding Principles

Finally, here are three points made by children that feel like great guiding principles to the conversations that you may need to have:

1. Remind them that nothing is their fault
2. Validate their feelings
3. Try and keep the conversation forward focused and factual.

Please do contact us to find out how we can support you and your family.