Supporting Your Children Through Divorce

It’s day three of Resolution’s Good Divorce Week 2020.

Children are particularly vulnerable to the impact of divorce and separation. Often their voices can get lost in the midst of the upset and frustration of divorce and separation.

So, how can you help your children through divorce and separation in the best possible shape?

Recently, FLiP’s in house counsellor, Jo Harrison, put together her top tips on how to get your children through the divorce and separation process. Her tips included:

• Caring for your own well- being;
• Making sure that you avoid conflict during handovers;
• Be curious about your children’s responses to the divorce or separation;
• Let your children express their feelings about the separation;
• Delay introducing new partners if possible;
• Work at your newly separated relationship with your ex;
• Keep the children informed of developments, if appropriate;
• Don’t make negative comments about your ex in front of the children.

At Family Law in Partnership Jo Harrison, Ruth Smallacombe and Dominic Raeside all offer family consultancy services on an individual, couple or family basis. They cover the child related, emotional and psychological aspects of divorce and separation including:

• How to tell the children about the end of the relationship in a positive and helpful way;

• How to stage the separation itself;

• How to find better ways of communicating, in particular over the crucial early stages whilst habits are formed;

• Setting up structures and arrangements that are likely to work well for the children;

• Managing any particular crisis well (eg. new adult relationships) that may arise.

Moves are underway in the family justice system to make sure that the voices of children over the age of 10 are routinely heard and taken into account in family court proceedings. A subgroup of The Family Solutions Group (led by Mr Justice Cobb) published a report “What about me? – Reframing Support for Families following Parental Separation” (12^th November 2020) setting out these latest recommendations. It remains to be seen how widely and successfully these recommendations will be adopted. You can find out more about the report here.