Communicating During Family Breakdown

FLiP Associate Nicole Phillips leads the discussion with Gillian Bishop, one of the founders of FLiP, and our guest speaker, Dr Emma Loveridge the founder of Rafan House on how to communicate well during family breakdown.

Rafan House is an organisation which engages with individuals, families and organisations who need help dealing with everyday life. Rafan House boasts a broad team of mental health professionals with a range of specialisms and therapeutic approaches, all under one roof.

Some of the points discussed are as follows:

• The importance of recognizing when you are communicating as an adult, and when you are communicating in a child-like state.

• Speaking and listening – both are crucial – as is really hearing what the other person is saying, not just the words they are using.

• We have a multitude of different ways of communicating including the tools of social media. They can be useful particularly for couples who try to avoid conflict.

• We all use language to blame the other and, in many ways, the current legal process (the fault based divorce system) encourages this with its complexity and legalistic language.

• As professionals supporting couples through their separation, there can be a tendency to mirror the language of the client.

• During a relationship breakdown couples communicate in very personal ways – they may be apathetic or angry; they may be mourning or grieving the end of their relationship. As the separation process evolves communication between the parties often changes as they find their own voice and space.

• Within a relationship the parties might use buzz words – possibly quite everyday words but delivered in a particular way. They can be used as “offensive weapons”. If you can identify how those buzz words make you feel, you take the power of the buzz word away.

• Be alert to the ripple effect of your communication on your children and other family members.