Finding Support Through Family Breakups
Family breakups, including divorce and separation, are some of the hardest experiences anyone can go through – especially for young people trying to make sense of it all.
The charity, Restored Lives, has helped adults to recover from the impact of divorce and separation for over 20 years and collaborated with children’s charity, Spurgeons, to develop Your Direction.
What is Your Direction?
Your Direction is a multi-session workshop, which aims to empower teenagers and young adults facing family transitions resulting from parental separation. It provides a safe space to explore emotions, understand complex family dynamics and learn how to make confident, informed choices for their future.
How do I know if my children would benefit from Your Direction?
Sometimes, when families go through separation or divorce, it can be hard to tell that the children involved are struggling and might benefit from extra support. This applies especially to older children who may not spend as much time with their parents, but children of all ages will sense their parents’ distress and many will bury their feelings to try to help stop things from becoming worse. To help recognise when things might be tough, we are sharing real divorce stories from parents.
These are examples that highlight some of the challenges children of the relationship can face during family breakdowns and form part of our Divorce Diaries, a collection of stories from past clients who have generously shared their experiences of divorce and separation.
In his divorce diary Quentin shared that “the real problem came some 2 years after the divorce when my eldest son became seriously ill with depression. Of course, there was no necessary link with the divorce – but that does not make you feel any better. My ex-wife and I communicated well in this period – but there is no point trying to deny all responsibility for something as serious as this.”
In her divorce diary Vivienne explains that “My son is very capable of keeping all the emotions ‘boxed up’ he does not take sides although admits that he totally understands why I left the marriage. My daughter is still very angry with her father, he has let her down on several occasions but at the end of the day he is still her father and she wants a relationship with him. I think both of them are somewhat confused at times.”
Xanthe told us that “Prior to leaving I used to tell myself that I was staying for the sake of my three children, but ultimately I had to leave for the sake of my children. I finally understood that it was a terrible example to my daughters for me to stay. My husband was a bully and emotionally abusive (something that the government now puts in the category of domestic violence). What kind of message would I have given my daughters if I had stayed with my husband – that women simply have to endure corrosive behaviour? It was bad enough to live through that myself, but to run the risk that my daughters might emulate my example, was too awful to contemplate. In addition, I could not allow my son to think that the way his father treated me was acceptable.”
Examples of how Your Direction May Help
In a previous blog we highlighted what someone attending Your Direction can expect from the workshop as follows:
- How to Feel Better – looking at emotions and understanding how they feel and how to process difficult emotions.
- Having Their Say – focusing on communication and how it can help to say how they are feeling.
- Dealing with Change – considering change and conflict that is common when parents separate.
- Letting Go – looking at the choice to accept and forgive and recognising different perspectives in a story.
- Your Bright Future – reflecting on the skills learnt during the course and thinking about the next steps for them.
Who Can Attend Your Direction?
The workshop is aimed at people aged between 12 and 30. The workshops are appropriately split into two groups, one for those aged between 12 and 17 and the other 18 to 30.
How to Get Involved
The next workshops start in November. They are free of charge. Visit restoredlives.org/yourdirection to learn more or book.
For more personal insights into the experiences of others who have navigated family breakdowns, explore Divorce Diaries. These stories offer a range of perspectives, from those who have faced separation and divorce, to those who have rebuilt their lives and found new directions. Reading these accounts can provide comfort, understanding, and practical advice as you embark on your own journey.
We also have a dedicated website page with tips and guidance for children experiencing family separation.