Divorce and Social Media

Divorce and Social Media: Dubai Princess tells Husband on Instagram that she is Divorcing Him

Last month, Sheikha Mahra bint Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum took the unusual step of announcing that she was divorcing her husband, Sheikh Mana bin Mohammed bin Rashid bin Mana al-Maktoum on Instagram.

In a post which echoes the Islamic practice of Talaq, by which a husband can divorce his wife by announcing three times: “I divorce you”, the Sheikha announced: “Dear Husband, as you are occupied with other companions, I hereby declare our divorce. I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. Take care. Your ex-wife.”

Whether or not an Instagram post constitutes a valid divorce in Dubai, it’s worth considering the effect of this kind of public declaration on any divorce and separation, and the use of social media.

In this instance, the Sheikha and her husband, who had been married for a little over a year, have a baby born earlier this year. The effects of the publicity are unlikely to affect their baby at the present moment but, if we go by the rule of “what goes on the internet will remain there forever”, it’s likely that at some point in the future their child will be able to access this information.

Social media can be a helpful tool for people going through a divorce or separation and some feel there is a supportive online community of others with shared experiences. However, it can be a double-edged sword. For every post on social media by one partner – there is the corresponding reaction from the other partner. One person may feel it is emancipating to “out” their ex as a cheat on Instagram (as per the Sheikha), but it’s always worth considering how that moment of catharsis from the initial post will balance against the difficulties it could create.

The majority of individuals going through a divorce or separation want an amicable settlement. In order to be in the best position to negotiate with the other person – it is worth trying to treat your former relationship with the dignity it deserves – or at least the dignity you would like to be treated with. Where children are involved, the parents will continue to have a co-parenting relationship at least until their children have reached their majority. Moments of passion and fury now (although they may feel justified), can unintentionally have long term negative consequences.

Of course, publishing one’s views on divorce isn’t new. Nora Ephron wrote the novel Heartburn in 1983 which is often described as a “thinly veiled autobiography” based on her separation from her second husband, Carl Bernstein (the journalist who broke the Watergate scandal), when she discovered he was having an affair when she was seven months’ pregnant. Bernstein was furious and threatened to sue Ephron although he never did go through with it. One imagines that the publishing of Heartburn could not have assisted their co-parenting relationship. Years later their son, the journalist Jacob Bernstein, talked about how he learnt about his father’s affair through reading the book and the effect that had on him.

In Norah Ephron’s case, there was a 4 year wait between the discovery of Bernstein’s affair and the publishing of her book. Social media now allows for an instantaneous publication of our pain – without time to reflect on whether we are ready for the consequences of that publication. Before you press “post”, consider if the moment of catharsis from sharing your pain is going to have a corresponding consequence. Is it going to make it harder to sit down with your former partner to sort things out sensibly, or will it lead to both parties becoming more entrenched?

We have to be realistic that a divorce settlement is unlike any other type of legal interaction. By its nature it will have both long-term financial effects for both parties, but the psychological and emotional ties between couple make this far from a simple financial transaction.