Parenting our children through the transition

Research tells us that there are crucial things we should do (and avoid doing) if we are to get our children through this crisis in good shape. 

Over the years of separations that have gone on before us, there are tips and tricks that have been developed that may well enable us to manage this transition really pretty well.  However, with so many things going on between us as adults, it is hardly surprising that too often parents do not make it into this zone and their children’s needs are managed less well than they could be.

FLIP has been at the forefront of a national campaign “Parenting After Parting”, adopted by the 5,500 strong family lawyers group, Resolution which aims to provide the resources that parents can use at this time. 

Our experience as lawyers and mediators has been that all of the other issues (such as housing, finance, maintenance and so on) become so much easier to resolve when there is an early focus on the needs of children.

Booklet

There is a booklet containing the basic information (available free for clients or downloadable from the Resolution website).  However, booklets can only go so far.  What clients are telling us is that the informational sessions that have now been launched are what really made the difference for them.

Session

These sessions are run in groups of usually upwards of a dozen parents by experienced therapists who are trained in providing information in a helpful and accessible way.  Those attending can be as involved in the session as they like. Some prefer to rather sit in the background, whilst others relish the opportunity of hearing from those in similar situations – and more particularly, from those in the mirror situation.  Thought needs to be given as to whether to attend with the children’s other parent or not – there are benefits of each approach.  This can be discussed by making contact with our administrator Wendy Hoare who can put you in touch with our presenters.

Attendance at the session is free for FLIP clients – for others there is a charge of £92.

For more information about the scheme in general, go to:
www.resolution.org.uk/parentingafterparting

Tailored help

Further work can also be undertaken with our counsellors/therapists, Dominic Raeside and Ruth Smallacombe on an individual, couple or family basis, for example to work on
- how to tell the children about the end of the relationship in a positive and helpful way
- how to stage the separation itself
- how to manage better ways of communicating, in particular over the crucial early stages whilst habits are formed
- setting up structures and arrangements that are likely to work well for the children
- managing well any particular crisis (eg new adult relationships) that arise.

Comments from people who have attended workshops include:

"It reinforced my belief that the child comes first”
 
“It was good to know that I am not the only one going through this, that I am not alone”
 
“It strengthened my understanding of the situation”
 
“I’ve made a conscious effort to improve communication with my estranged wife”
 
“To be in a room with other parents who are in the same situation was good for us – we felt less alone”

From a Family Court Judge:

"Every parent should be required to attend one of these"